How d’you like the sound of this?

I read it and wept.

“At a 5% royalty, my income from a single ad often exceeds $1,000,000. How long does a winning piece of copy take me to write? Less than two weeks.”

The man who wrote it is Ted Nicholas, who may be the highest-paid copywriter in America right now.

One or two others lay claim to that crown – Clayton Makepeace for instance – but who’s arguing when it comes to that kind of money?

Now contrast it with what I heard in the last week from two highly competent English writers I know.

“20 years ago I was getting £2,500 for a mail pack. Now I’d be dancing in the street if I got that.”

“People are moaning at paying more than £1,000 for a mail-pack.”

Well, as more than one person has observed, if you pay peanuts, what you end up with is monkeys.

But having delivered myself of that bit of waggery, let me make a serious point.

Virtuous circle versus vicious circle

Ted Nicholas makes big money because he gives people what they want – results.

They are so keen to get them that they pay royalties – a common practice in the U.S. So he can afford to spend two weeks on a mailing.**

It’s a virtuous circle. If you have enough time, you’re more likely to create a winner – and the more winners you create the more people pay, the more time and money you get – and so on.

But some people in this country do get fancy money for creative work. One agency less than half a mile from my offices was charging £15,000 for mailing packs two years ago – and if you see their gorgeous offices, you know they need the money.

What might surprise you is that their work was so disastrous that even their big client’s board noticed it eventually – - and fired the marketing director.

How do people like this get away with it? I’ll tell you.

Because strangely enough, results are not what some people want. I don’t just mean those impressed by smart offices or who like a lot of entertaining.

It’s more complicated than that.

One marketing man with a huge company told my partner Marta that good results meant their budgets were cut. And you may recall my story about the marketing director whose love of brand values far exceeded any trivial concerns about response.

But here is the start of a vicious circle. People are chosen for reasons other than results. Then those on high decide, quite reasonably, direct marketing doesn’t work … and next time it’s harder to get the budgets.

If you want results, give people the time and money to deliver them.

Let me end with three pieces of news for you – but let me guess which you will decide is good and which is bad.

1. This series of 51 is now coming to an end. (Sighs of relief all round).

2. So many people have said they like these ideas – and quite a few have said they want me to carry on – that I will. (Mixed feelings all round).

3. Many of you find it hard to keep up with them all, so I’m just going to do two a week. (More sighs of relief – especially from me).

Please tell me if you have any topics you’d like covering, and I’ll try.

** Here’s another reason why I sometimes cry into my beer.

For over two years the control mailing and door-drop for our biggest client, who sends them out by the million have been ours.

They keep testing them against other people’s efforts; nobody has ever beaten us. Their second best producer is also ours; and it looks like their third best will be, too.

If only we were on a royalty!

That is what I call a return on investment – but you won’t get it for £1,000 – or £2,500, for that matter.

Best,
Drayton

P.S.  This is number 45 of Drayton Bird’s 101 free helpful marketing ideas.  You can sign up on the link below for the rest.

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Website: www.draytonbird.com / www.eadim.com

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